Brighter than Sunshine
by Lisabeth C
Summary: Pre-series. AU. What if Lynn had found the tapes before Lilly died?
1. A New Beginning

_This is my school. If you go here, your parents are either millionaires or your parents work for millionaires. Neptune, California, a town without a middle class._

Forgive me if I sound jaded. It's Monday and I've had a very bad weekend. Not only did my mom come home reeling drunk on Friday night, but my best friend's apparently been found out to be carrying on an affair with her boyfriend's and my friend, Logan's, much older father. Surely you've heard about it already: the almighty famous actor, Aaron Echolls arrested for statutory rape. It's been leaked to all the papers and magazines and online gossip sites. No wonder Lilly hasn't shown up to school.

I couldn't even sit with my regular group without being berated by gossip and scandalous questions. Madison Sinclair and Shelly Pomeroy must figure that I'm the gossip hub on this matter considering Lilly's my best friend and all. But now, I'm beginning to realize that that title has lost all meaning. There's a part to Lilly I didn't know, one that wrecks things and trashily seduces older men. Sure, I knew she had flings and "lovahs" on the side, but I never knew she'd take it that far.

I take a ginger bite of my hamburger and shake my head in exasperation.

Suddenly, Logan's in front of me and yelling out "You knew, didn't you?". He accuses me. I look at him blankly. "You little –"

"Logan, you're scaring me." I whisper nervously, almost in a hiss. He narrows his eyes and almost opens his mouth again "Do you really trust me so little that you'd think…you'd think I'd keep something…something so monumental from you?"

My eyes crinkle in hurt and his expression falls. He rubs his forehead in guilt as he sits down across from me.

"I'm sorry…I just, I can't-"

"I know." I whisper. "I can't believe she'd do something like that, either."

"…and you know her better than anyone." Logan muses, almost in a mournful tone.

"I thought I did." I say with finality.

"Look." He nods over to another table quietly.

It's Duncan. He's gruffly eating his meal, tough and concentrated. Dick's snapping his fingers in front of him, as if to gain his attention, but alas, no dice. Duncan's always been a good selective listener. I shake my head, willing the tears to stay in my eyes. It's been almost a week since Duncan started ignoring my existence, pretending we'd never been a couple, _the_ couple.

"What? He's still giving you the silent treatment?"

"Vigilantly, in fact." I reply grimly.

* * *

I enter my house and go straight to my room. Or at least I try to. I hear a strangled "Veronica?" and stop in my tracks. My mom. I go into my parents' room and find her collapsed on the bed, reeking of liquor_. Oh boy_. She's drunk again. Go figure. It's become less of an occasional thing and more of a daily habit as of late. She's been getting wasted almost every night since Duncan and I broke up, but somehow I doubt there's a correlation.

"Mom, are you okay?" I ask quietly as I come up next to her.

"Tuck me in?" She asks weakly and I help her into bed. Dad won't be home for a while, he's been staying pretty late since Lynn Echolls found the sex tapes. We've both been telling him that she's sick with some mysterious stomach bug, but we all know he's smarter than that. He's probably already found some the bottles of vodka and rum hiding around the house. "Night, baby." She says softly, even though it's only 4:30. The shades are drawn.

"Sleep well, Mom." I say gently as my hand begins to shake.

I rush out of the room and into my own, snuggling into my own blanket, holding on like it's my only lifeline.

* * *

"Oy vey" I mutter as my car doesn't turn on. I didn't think I was _that low_ on gas. My parents could afford to buy a decent car for me, but we always stretch for gas money. We're not necessarily poor, per say, we're just not terribly well off. And what with my mom running through her tiny paychecks as it is, it's pretty difficult to keep my car with full tank. I need a job…and badly.

I call Logan and as he's on his way to pick me up, I leaf through the help wanted pages of the Neptune Register. Among the uninteresting occupations, comes one that actually peaks my interest instead of dulling it: a "paid internship" at the Neptune Register for photography. Score.

"What? The rust-bucket finally conk out?" Logan quips as he pulls up next to me.

"No gas." I shrug and Logan chuckles disbelievingly. "Shut up."

"Hop in." He settles down and unlocks the door.

I get in and we drive to school. He gets out and opens my door to help me out. His hand briefly grazes mine and I look up at him curiously, but he's already looking away…at Lilly. She's just gotten off a motorcycle with a PCHer, no less. Weevil. That's sure to spark at least a few rumors.

Logan's jaw is set stiffly and I put my hand gently on his arm to calm him "Logan?"

He shakes his head sternly.

Duncan comes over, reeling. "Did you two know that-?" He asks angrily and upset. He's speaking to us both, but only giving Logan eye contact. He's _still _avoiding me.

"Do you think I'd know?" Logan grits out as if the answer should be obvious.

"No dude…I didn't mean to-" Duncan responds defensively and then looks over at me. "Veronica…did you-?" He asks gently.

"What do _you_ care what I think?!" I scoff "Fact is, you stopped caring about _me_ a long time ago." I reply bitingly and grab my stuff to storm away to my first period, leaving both Duncan and Logan awestruck.

* * *

One day, I come home from school to find my mom gone. As in cleared out, suitcases packed, indefinitely gone. I collapse on my floor listlessly and look scathingly at the mirror.

Who is this blonde girl with the outrageously long hair? Someone innocent, someone naïve? Someone who's certainly not me. Not the real me, at least. I look like the Lilly wannabe all the 09ers say I am…her shadow. Maybe I spent so much time with her and listened to her so much that I lost my real self.

Bitterly, I storm towards my closet and pull out all my lightly colored shirts, all the pastels I own and throw them on the floor in a fit. Maybe she _was_ right about one thing, that maybe I'm not really yellow cotton but red satin instead.

Fingering my long, highlighted, heavily conditioned locks, I frown in disgust. I'm not that girl anymore, not the one that dreamt about a house in the suburbs and a perfect marriage with Duncan Kane, not the one that thought her best friend could do no wrong. Not her. I take my scissors out of my desk drawer and start snipping, watching as the pieces fall to floor.

I'm not that girl anymore.

* * *


	2. Big Girls Don't Cry

Taking a long, hard swig of vodka, I lean back into the sand on the beach. It's about 9:30...I think.

I've lost count a long time ago. Dad's still not home, if he were, he would've called me by now. But he hasn't and it's just as well anyway.

I close my eyes and listen to the waves as they gently roll in. I'm the only one on the beach and it's best this way, quiet and alone.

Taking another swig, I pay no attention to the burning sensation at the back of my throat. I feel _numb_.

"Woh, Ronnie, is that you?" Logan squints his eyes as he plops down in the sand next to me…"and, is that alcohol?" He looks awestruck. He lifts the bottle out of my hands and his jaw drops. "Geez, it's the hard stuff, too. What, Backup got ran over?" He asks gently.

"My mom left." I say simply and honestly, snatching the bottle away from him. No one, not even Lilly, knew about my mom's problems. No one knew that when I said I was going home to feed the dog, I was really checking on my mom.

"That's a good a reason as any. Do you know why?" Logan lies down next to me.

"She drinks a lot…" I say with a small hiccup. In my mind, I almost find it ironic that I'm using _alcohol_ to numb the pain of the departure of my alcoholic mother.

"I had no idea." He says hollowly. Everyone knows that Lynn's got affection for alcohol and pills…so he knows what it's like.

"She's just been stressed a lot…and I don't-"

"It's fine." Logan whispers and takes my hand in his. "Veronica, you'll make it through. I know it."

"Thanks." I sigh. "What are you doing here? Not that I don't appreciate it…"

"I just came out here to think about Lilly and my father and everything."

"Oh."

"I just keep wondering what it is that I did that made her go after-"

"Don't you say dare start," I warn him caringly. "You didn't do _anything_ to deserve this."

Logan remains silent as if mulling the possibilities over. As a pulse of rap music comes from the PCH, he squeezes my hand in comfort.

* * *

Arriving at school on Monday, I find that the whole school is looking at my newly clipped locks. Even Lilly does a double take from her locker. With an approving smile, she gives me thumbs up. I give her a simple, curt nod and walk away...trying to hide a secret ashamed smile.

Opening my locker, I hear a burst of peppy energy from right next to me. "Oh my God, Veronica, your hair!" Meg Manning touches the tips and shakes her head in disbelief. "You look so…"

"Different?" I finish for her with a weak smile. "I needed a change."

"Well, I'll be the first to say that it's totally cute!" Meg offers and then waves goodbye.

At lunch, Logan sits next to me and looks at me quizzically. "There's something different, I can't place it…" He says jokingly. "Did you do something to your hair?" He finally asks sarcastically.

"Bingo." I grin.

"Hot, Ronnie, real hot." He remarks and I shake my head.

"You're so full of it."

"What, blunt honesty?" He guffaws and waves over a delivery guy. "Look, after the crap we've gone through, I've decided we deserved a reward. Chinese takeout?" He signs the credit card slip and takes the bag from the delivery guy with a smile.

"You're sacrificing your almighty Pirate Points for little old me? _Me_?" I ask teasingly and immediately open one of the bags.

"Who else, huh? The best friend who's shunned me or the ex-girlfriend from the fiery pits of hell?" He exaggerates and I feel a bit of embarrassment for Lilly. "In case you haven't noticed, Veronica, you're my new BFF." He jokes but I can tell there's a small bit of truth to it. Is it possible that I'm the only person he really has left?

* * *

Taking a bathroom break during my 4th period, I see a pink Out of Order sign placed on the bathroom door. _Lilly._

It used to be our signal…like if she and Logan had gotten in a snit, she'd just put the sign up and we'd have the bathroom to discuss and possibly rant about the situation privately. I can't help but think it's a sign.

Hesitantly, I enter and ask aloud "Lilly?"

"One minute, Veronica!" A voice exclaims from a stall in the corner. _Great. _Ihoist myself onto the counter and kick my legs playfully, immaturely.

She comes out and primps in front of the mirror, as always. She's not letting anything affect her. It's almost beautiful, but I know better.

"You needed to talk to me?" I ask finally, slightly impatient.

"Omgsh, yeah. Where have you been? I've needed you like whoa dang." She exclaims as she sits next to me on the counter.

"I've been a little shocked and dealing with my own stuff." I say softly.

"What? Like Duncan dumping you? Hate to say it, honey, but-"

"It's not Duncan, Lil." I say simply, almost acceptingly. "My mom, she left…and you, you and Logan's dad? It's a lot to deal with." I insist, almost tearfully.

"God, everyone's making such a big deal about it. I mean, really, it was just a few times…" She groans and contorts her face unhappily.

"That's not the point. It's Logan's _dad _and it's illegal, not to mention really, _really_ wrong." I say harshly and abruptly get off the counter to better enforce my point.

"But, it's not like the end of the world. It's over and done with…" She says simply.

"Lilly, it's not. Sure, he's going to jail but Logan's definitely not fine. You didn't even tell me… we all feel like _chumps_." I pause "It's not fine, and until you can see that, I don't know if we can talk anymore."

"But, Veronica, you're my best friend." She says softly.

"That doesn't mean that I always have to agree with you. And maybe, for once, I'm actually going to take a stand." I pause again. "Surprising I know."

Amid her protests, I huffily storm out.

* * *

For my first assignment at the paper, I'm taking some pictures of Lynn's annual charity dinner. Lynn's actually looking the happiest I've seen her in months, maybe years. Like she's relieved, finally free. I've come to understand that maybe Aaron wasn't the easiest person to live with, but never to this degree. After catching a few happy, glamorous shots, I look for Logan. Not present.

I finally trek out to the pool house and find him splayed out on the mattress, nursing an almost empty bottle of alcohol.

"I'm sure the paper would love this." I joke and pretend to take his picture.

He scoffs and looks me in the eye "I can see it now 'Echolls Progeny a Drunk _and_ Lay-about!'" He pats the bed and I uneasily hop on.

After a few moments of awkward silence, he finally says in an assumedly insightful voice (but I know him better), "You know, this is where my mom found the tapes. She was trying to find the key to the liquor cabinet, and found them instead. Imagine her surprise."

"Maybe this isn't the best place to be camping out, ever think of that?" I ask suggestively...I'm even feeling a bit..._icky_, being in here.

"Maybe not. But at least you're out here now, right? I'm not completely alone." He puts a comforting arm around me and pulls me in closer.

"Just exactly how much have you drunk out of that bottle?" I sigh tiredly as I smell the alcohol on his breath.

"Only half. Pretty sure my mom did the honor of christening it."

"She seems happy." I offer lamely.

"That's good." He gives me an honest smile. "Can you just stay for awhile? If that's not too much trouble?"

"Sure. Need a friend?"

"More than ever." He says simply, obviously an understatement.

"Hm. Same here." I grin back at him.

"Well, this is the perfect arrangement then, right?"

"Yeah…_perfect_." I say confidently, as I'm trying to convince myself too.

**A/N: **Sorry for the lack of updates lately...on both stories. I've been really busy with school and work...plus, I've had a major writer's block. Hopefully I'll be able to update more frequently. :)

Reviews are my bread and butter! 3


	3. If You Can Afford Me

Logan starts driving me to school. He says jokingly, of course, that it's because my car's an embarrassment to _him_. But I know that's not true, it's just some lame excuse to have me around…and actually I don't mind that much. We've gotten into a system at school. For example, during lunch he'll order us lunch delivery and I'll bring the drinks and miscellaneous baked goods for desert. He especially likes my snicker-doodles.

I've been routinely skipping pep squad practices. So has Lilly. I've been skipping them not because I'm afraid of possibly seeing her, but because I don't want to have to deal with the memories of us on it, and the sly little backstabbing whispers of the 09er girls. She's been skipping for – well, for - honestly, I don't know. Maybe it's another guy on the side. I know that's a little bit type-casty, but really, I wouldn't be terribly surprised if it were true.

I've heard a lot of rumors lately. That I'd been cheating on Duncan with Logan for quite awhile. That Duncan broke up with me because he found out that I got an STD from Logan and had possibly given it to him. That Logan and I have been secretly meeting up in the girls' restroom during class. That - I too - had been recorded on Mr. Echolls' creepy pool house cam _in flagrante_.

They're all lies. All of them. And as Logan and I wait for our lunch, we rehash the ridiculous rumors we've heard that day about ourselves.

"So…today, I heard that I ravaged you on Dog Beach last night." I stick out my tongue.

"In the sand? Be realistic, people." Logan scoffs loudly, garnering a few dirty looks.

"Sure, it's everyone's fantasy, but it's a pain in the ass." He pauses. "Literally. It's messy." He then proceeds to shake his head.

I then speak seriously. "So…you've done it in the sand?" My cheeks get hot. I'm not one to speak openly about others' sexual practices, like..._ever_.

"Once. And that was enough to swear me off it forever." He speaks wistfully and I can tell he's talking about Lilly. Apparently, she's pretty…_adventurous_, to say the least.

"_Forever_ forever?"

"Okay, maybe not forever. If it's the right girl, I might suffer such pains. But nothing less." He cocks his eyebrows at me jokingly.

I wave it off then speak again. "So today, in English, I overheard Shelley Pomeroy and Madison Sinclair saying that we were getting busy right then in the journalism room. Which, you know, was _really_ news to me because I was sitting there correcting grammatical errors."

"You know, someone said something similar in my Biology class. You should've seen the look on Duncan's face." Logan chuckles.

My face falls and I use my peripherals to glance over at the 09er table, where Duncan is distractedly stabbing at his mystery meat. Lilly, of course, is regaling the 09er girls (who have now taken her back with open arms, since she's getting an exclusive with People magazine) with tales of her assuredly very slutty Sunday.

"Veronica…"

"Is he not talking to you because of me?" I ask quietly.

"He's not talking to me because A, he's a sheep, B, my dad had _relations_ with his sister, C, Celeste probably instructed him not to, and finally, D, maybe possibly because I've become a fixture at your lunch table."

"Logan, I-"

"You what, Veronica? You're sorry? Don't be. I'm tired of all this pity shit." He grumbles and looks me in the eye. It's actually a bit unnerving.

"I don't pity you, Logan." I say honestly, but okay, maybe I might be lying a little bit.

"So, what? You're hanging out with me out of pure interest?" He smirks at me. "Look, honestly… really I don't care. I like hanging out with you."

"And why is that, Logan? Out of pity?" I joke and then mirror his smirk.

"No!" He laughs, "I don't know. You're just a good friend, you know. I guess I never really saw that when you were under Lilly's shadow."

My eyes fall to my lap and I can see him try and retract his previous statement. _Under Lilly's shadow_. It keeps ringing in my ear.

"We were both under her shadow." I say with an odd sense of clarity.

"I guess you're right about that." He shrugs and says sadly.

* * *

"Ugh." I plop on my bed as Logan paces around my room. We're both insanely bored… and without our usual 09er social calendars, it's expected to stay that way.

"Hm. I wonder what's in here." Logan teases and then proceeds to open my closet door.

"Logan. Boundaries. I have them. Please respect that." I tease with a warning undertone.

"What are you hiding in there, Veronica? Is it skeleton-filled?" Logan chuckles maniacally. Great. At least _he's_ having a good time with all this.

"You know your old dog Lucky? I'm pretty sure he's in there." I joke.

"Okay, really?" Logan leafs through my closet. "_Really_?"

"Really what, Logan?" I ask as I shuffle through my CDs, tired of his incessant interest in my closet.

"These clothes. They're like carbon copies of Lilly's. I swear…"

"What? I threw out most of my Barbie clothes." I gasp and stand up.

"You." He turns around and gets dangerously close, only to flick my ear. "You need a new wardrobe. None of this is you, Veronica. Okay?"

_You are not a yellow cotton dress. _I almost shiver.

"You're the last person I'd expect style advice from." I scoff and plop back onto my bed.

"What's that supposed to mean? Am I style challenged? **I. Match**." He says defensively.

"Sure, you may match. But, really, unless you've suddenly turned into one of the Queer Eye guys, I'm not taking your advice on my clothing." I cock an eyebrow at him skeptically.

"Sure, I'm no Carson Kressly, but really…" He shakes his head. "Seriously, Veronica. I'll take you shopping. Dark colors'll make you just like pop. Pastels are so…boring. They're made for freaking Stepford Wives." He groans.

"Wow. You're paying?" Not that I mind a shopping spree, but Logan paying and being my personal stylist is such an incomprehensible and nearly impossible idea.

"I swear on my father's Platinum Visa." He waves it in the air carelessly.

"In that case, okay." I smile back.

* * *

"Well these duds are going to make me stand out, all right." I say sarcastically as we barrel into his backyard.

"What? They're not outlandish. And the sales girl clearly said that they are 'totally in'." Logan laughs and sits down on a beach chair.

"She's also terribly into Hilary Duff. Which, hello, _odd_." I state laughingly as I collapse in another chair.

"So... what do you want to do, Veronica Mars?" Logan looks over at me.

"It's getting kind of late." I look nervously at him."

"It's 8:00. The sun is just barely going down." Logan stresses it and shakes his head. Probably at my impossibly straight-laced attitude. Damn Goody Two Shoes Disorder.

"We could swim?" I suggest. "My dad's not expecting me for another two hours, I think." I pause and then say, "Wait, it's November. Isn't the pool going to be like super cold?"

"It's heated." Logan shrugs and pulls off his shirt and pants to reveal a pair of embarrassing Batman boxers. "I'm ready." He grins and jumps in.

"Well, I'm not…" I trail off.

Logan pops up above the water and says, "Come on, Veronica. Just strip down to your underwear. It's not like I care." He adds with a grin.

Nervously, I do as I'm told. I throw my clothes on the chair and slowly get into the water.

"Veronica, it's not Wednesday." Logan is looking straight at me.

"What?" I frown back in confusion.

"Your underwear. You've got the wrong day on." He smirks.

"I lost Monday." I smile back as I finally slip into the water.

"Too bad." He playfully splashes me and then starts to backstroke.

I flip under the water and come back up, then take a try at an underwater hand-stand. Unsuccessful attempt.

I hear a heavy door slam and the clatter of high heels on tile.

"It's my mom." Logan says calmly with a shrug.

"Oh." I blush embarrassedly and huddle against the side of the pool just in time for Mrs. Echolls to come outside.

"Hello, Veronica." She smiles down at me, almost as if she's blissfully ignoring the fact that both I and her darling son are clad in only our undergarments. I suppose she's seen worse things...

"Hi, Mrs. Echolls." I say shyly.

"You two having fun?" She asks with a bright smile as she sits out on a lawn chair.

"Of course, mother dearest." Logan continues to stroke through the pool. "You're awfully happy."

"I just went to prison to see your father."

"Oh." I say softly and awkwardly.

"Oh, Veronica…dear, it's fine. I feel like I have, I have – Logan, you're so good with words, what is it, honey?"

"You have **closure**, Mom!" He shouts out and I can almost visualize his famous smirk.

"Yeah. I guess that's it." She pauses and then muses with a smile. "I like it this way. Me and Logan."

"Well that's good then." I comment with a grin.

"Well, I'll leave you two to have your fun. Toodles!" She waves goodbye as she re-enters the house.

"She seems really happy." I say honestly as I dog paddle towards Logan.

"It's a long time coming." Logan remarks simply and playfully lifts me up in the air. I mean, honestly, it's like he's a little kid.

"Are you, by chance, attempting the scene in _Dirty Dancing_?"

"Psh. Johnny Castle has nothing on me." He smirks and puts me down.

"_Nobody_ puts Baby in a corner." I tease and pout my lips at him.

Logan laughs and then suddenly, we're caught in a gaze. Leaning in closer…_and closer_.

"Oh, Logan, you've got company!" Lynn yells out and we spring apart. I don't even bother looking at him: I'm so embarrassed.

My cheeks flame bright red when I see who exactly is doing the visiting. **Duncan.**


	4. You Could Never Know

"Woh, man, did I interrupt something?" Duncan asks uncomfortably, his arms crossed.

"Yeah, kind of…" I can hear Logan mutter as I get out of the pool quietly and proceed to slip on my clothes. Duncan still hasn't even looked my way. _Wow. The cold shoulder has reached all new levels. Permafrost._

"Well, uh, I was just coming over to see if you were busy. You weren't answering your cell-" He plops down in a lawn chair as I manage to give Logan an awkward goodbye wave. He pantomimes "a call me" with this hand to his ear and I nod as I walk inside the house.

"That would denote that I probably was, in fact, busy." I can hear Logan say in biting sarcasm.

As I'm almost to the door, Mrs. Echolls asks, "Leaving so soon, Veronica?"

I smile back at her "My Dad's expecting me. Better book it."

"Well, you're welcome any time. It was good to see you." She smiles back and opens the door for me.

"Thanks." I reply embarrassedly and walk towards my car as the door closes.

* * *

The next day at school, I'm in the bathroom when I hear two very familiar 09er voices speaking. Gossiping to be more exact. I lift up my feet in the stall and listen in as their probably impractical high heels clatter on the tile.

"Oh! Dick's party was awesome." Susan Knight exclaims.

Dick's party? The one, from what I've heard, that was the wildest party this fall. The one, that previous to Logan's and mine 09er fall out, that I would've assuredly had a VIP invite to. Ah, the perks of the Fab Four.

Carrie Bishop laughs and then pauses to, I assume put her lip gloss on, "Omgsh! I have news not fit to print!"

"What is it?" Susan asks.

"Okay, so I overheard Lilly and Duncan having a fight in Dick's bedroom. I was using the connecting bathroom. You'll never believe what I heard!" I can practically see her sly little smile reflecting back at her in the mirror.

"Oh, Carrie, tell me!" Susan pleads with a characteristic giggle.

"You know how Duncan did that hit and run on Veronica Mars?" She pauses "It's because they're apparently brother and sister! How absolutely grody is that?"

My heart just fell in my stomach. I feel absolutely nauseous. Duncan…_my brother_?

"You're kidding! That's so sick!" Susan gasps, and rightly so. "How are they-?"

"Lilly said something about their dad and Veronica's mom. You know the slutty alcoholic? I'm not exactly sure…but isn't that so screwed up?"

"Oh. Definitely. Yuck!" Susan says and the two leave the room.

As soon as I hear the door slam, I throw up. Instant reflex.

_Oh My God. Am I really Duncan's sister?_

I can feel the bile rise in my throat and breathe deep. It subsides but I'm still definitely freaked. Duncan's…sister. Duncan's _sister_. Major wiggins.

Not that I typically mind the gossip of those girls…but can it really be true? It's probable, I guess… It's certainly as good a reason as any to break up with your girlfriend of a year…and not to mention the way Lilly acted after she'd talked to Duncan about our breakup, it definitely makes sense. She's always said she felt like I was her sister. The way my mom reacted when she found out I was dating Duncan…

What do I do now?!

* * *

I text Logan during lunch to tell him that I'm not feeling very well, that I wouldn't need a ride, and my Dad's going to pick me up. Part of which is true. But what I really need is a long walk. A _long_ walk.

After checking out with the nurse, I immediately take to the sidewalk and follow it till I'm finally home. Not an easy trek, I tell you. Even if you count out the sheer length of it, you have to consider the dicey areas around the school. To say the least, I'd probably get scolded and lectured by my dad about being in the "wrong part of town". Like I was in some old-fashioned television show or something. I've got a rape whistle, I've got pepper spray, I have a cell phone with 911 on speed dial. My dad's made fairly sure of that.

My dad…who might not even my biological father. It could be Jake Kane. I could be the heiress to a fortune or the daughter of the local sheriff. It's so weird. I can't even imagine having that life, having all the alternate possibilities that would come with it. It's hard enough living my own life. This is all so overwhelming.

Enough awkward thoughts. Enough what-if's. Enough obsessing over every possibly wrong thing that Duncan and I ever did. For once, I just need to stop thinking and over-analyzing and take time for myself.

That, I do. I change into my most comfortable sweats and tank top and head out to the beach, just sitting and watching as the waves roll in. As people scamper and play in the surf, I'm sitting there relaxed with Back-up curled up at my side.

It's getting dark and after awhile the beach is almost clear. I hear the trot of footsteps behind me and slightly turn my head. It's Logan.

"I come bearing Ben and Jerry's." He smiles and settles down in the spot next to me, ruffling Back-up's fur.

"Saint." I smile as I take the bag away from him, immediately finding the carton and popping it open. There's even a spoon in the bag, God bless him. "How'd you find me?"

"Well, I went by the house and your Dad didn't even know where you were, so I figured you'd be out here."

I smile and take a spoonful of ice cream.

"So, you're not visibly ill…what's wrong?"

"It's not – just don't worry-"

"Is it what happened? With Duncan last night?" He looks at me seriously "'Cause I really had no idea he was coming over, I'm sorry if it-"

"Logan, it's fine. It's not that." I say quietly as I remember our almost-kiss. I blush.

"Then what is it? Did someone say something to you at school?" His hand forms a fist and I shake my head.

"No. No one said anything to me." Not _to me_. _About_ me…and Duncan.

"Veronica, you're really worrying me here, seriously, you can tell me."

"Promise not to freak out." I say simply.

"But-"

"Logan. Just promise. I can't-" I pause "I can't tell you what's up unless you do. It's kind of a big thing."

"I promise." He says honestly and holds up his hand. "Scouts' honor."

I nod and look down at my knees. "There's a possibility that Duncan and I are related."

"Like cousins or something?"

"No. Brother and sister." I say in a quiet voice, but I can tell by his expression that he understands me.

"Oh." He pauses and mulls it over. "_Oh_."

"Yeah…my feelings exactly…except you know, with the nausea." I crack a nervous, weak smile.

"How-?"

"My mother, his dad." I say and wring my hands "It's not for sure, though. I really hope it's not even true, but it's starting to make sense. Things are starting to make sense."

"The way he's treating you…"

"Yeah. I'm guessing he's just as freaked as me. No wonder he didn't formally breakup with me…I mean, how do you actually explain that?"

"You don't." Logan shrugs lamely.

* * *

"So honey…" My dad says as he's making a homemade grilled cheese in the skillet. My favorite.

"Yes?"

"What do you want for Christmas? It's coming up, you know."

"Really?" I ask in mock-surprise. "I can practically hear the tinkling of Santa's bells already."

"And have you been a good girl this year?" I can tell he's smirking from his tone of voice, faced towards the stovetop.

"Of course. _Exemplary_."

"I'd expect nothing less." He smiles back at me as I can hear my sandwich sizzle. "Just like your old man."

_Just like your old man_. My dad is…my _Dad_. So what if it's maybe not biological, would I really rather be a Kane? No.

Can a test really tell me who my real father is? The real father is the one that bandaged my bloody knees and read me bedtime stories till I was in a deep sleep, the one who taught me to play poker in the third grade, the one who gave me my first bike (the Barbie one with the flowers). Would it really make too much of a difference to my life as is? Except for you know, the obvious issue of mine and Duncan's possible very wrong feelings for each other Which, hello, _EW_!

Even if he wasn't my brother, would I want him back? If he couldn't trust me enough to let me know what was up, should I trust him to have my heart?

"Who's your daddy?"

"You are."


	5. Nobody Wins

Sure, for a daughter so close to her father, it might be depressing that he works so much. And typically, it is. We haven't had nearly the amount of bonding time we've had in the past, in part because of his Sheriff gig, and in part because of my former social circle. But, as sneaky and horrible as it sounds, it also gives me extra time to snoop around the house. I can look around, root through files, make sure there isn't some other proof out there before I comb the place for DNA samples to send away. I'd rather my father never have to find out. It can be my little secret, my little moment of doubt or my epiphany.

As previously mentioned, it's not as if it'll change too much. Keith Mars will still be my dad. It'll just change the way I see Duncan…and okay, Lilly, too. But not Jake, sure he's always been polite enough, but certainly not in a paternal sort of way. I don't want, or need, that kind of treatment.

Unexpectedly, the doorbell rings and I scamper toward it. It hasn't rung for me in forever. Whenever Logan and I do something, he just calls and we meet up. He's a little wary of my dad, and understandably so. The man does have a gun.

I open the door to find Lilly. Complete with ice cream. Ben and Jerry's.

"Lilly…" I trail off in surprise. "What're you doing here?"

"Look, Veronica Mars, this is stupid!" She strides in like she always used to. It had been her second home for years. "We're best friends…"

"But, Lilly-" I try to protest.

"Okay, so I did a bad thing, and I've definitely paid for it. And I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry." She exclaims as she plops down comfortably on my couch. "That's kind of a big deal, right? Lilly Kane doesn't do apologies."

"Why now?" Why not weeks ago? Where were you when I was plunked into exile with Logan? Which, by the way, only happened because I was protecting you.

"Because…I woke up this morning and realized it had been a really long time since just the two of us hung out. I realized the reason we hadn't was all me, and all my mistakes. And as I said before, Veronica, I don't do apologies that often…or acknowledge my mistakes…but I will for you." She says with slight reluctance, but nevertheless, I'm pretty floored.

* * *

After barely surviving my French class, I go to join Logan at our table. He's haphazardly picking at what appears to be a tuna salad.

"What? No take out?" I plop down with a smile.

"Nah. Figured you wouldn't be gracing me with your presence, so I voted against it." He doesn't even look up.

"Why wouldn't I 'grace you with my presence'?" I cock an eyebrow as I anxiously wait for a reply.

"Shouldn't you be sitting with Lilly and the clones?" He finally looks up, a bitter glimmer in his eye.

"And why would I?" I snort and take a sip of my water.

"I just…I saw Lilly's car at your place yesterday and assumed-"

"Assumed what, Logan? That the second she beckoned, I'd come running?" I shake my head. "I'm not some little sheep and Lilly doesn't control me. Sure, we talked for a while, but it's not as if I went running at the opportunity. I'm not… I can't be that girl anymore." I pause. "And I thought you might know me a little better than that." I add with a slightly solemn note.

"Veronica, I-"

"You're what? You're sorry? Fine, be sorry." I huff and cross my arms unhappily. "Look, if you ever thought I'd choose her over you, you're like…I don't know, crazy or something." I finally sit quietly, pondering if I should get something from the machine or wait till after school to satisfy my hunger.

Logan's mouth shuts immediately and he nods in pure silence. I've left Logan Echolls speechless. A feat I previously had never thought possible.

"Okay, so forgive my doubt." He finally says.

"Forgiven." I nod back.

"So…what're you doing later?" A quick save.

* * *

After raiding the house numerous times for any relevant information, I yet again come up empty handed. Nada. Goose egg. Absolutely nothing. If my mom had left anything around the house, she'd very carefully cleaned up any tracks.

I have no choice in the matter. I have to know, at least to ease my troubled mind…and I guess Duncan's too. I don't even want to think about that conversation now. I can already tell it's sure to be unbearably awkward, not to mention the possible repercussions that could come from it. Not that I'm sure I'd take him back, assuming he'd even ask.

As I unpack the kit from the shipping box (which Logan had insisted I had shipped to his house), I consider how to approach the situation.

As soon as I hear the door slam, I prep myself and cautiously stick the ever so pointy needle dangerously close to my finger.

My dad immediately sees me and furrows his brow. "What is it?"

"I'm uh, trying to draw a blood sample." I bite my lip.

"What for?" He looks utterly confused.

"Our health teacher said she'd give extra credit to anyone taking a self-administered HIV test. I ordered this thing online but…I am seriously punking on this fingerstick." I can't take my eyes off the point on it, so sharp.

"Aw." Dad puts his hand to his heart. "This is so endearing. My strong, badass daughter is afraid to draw a _teensy little_ drop of blood."

"You know…" I trail off and then regain my composure "if you really were a good father, you'd let me draw some of your blood for the test."

"What?" He laughs.

"Nobody'll know the difference. Besides, you've been sexually active, I haven't." I hold the fingerstick out to him, incredibly relieved that I've now got distance between it and my own nimble finger.

"Oh, for crying out loud, you're serious about this, aren't you? Let me have that." He takes it away from me with a shake of his head. "You wuss."

"Oh, please, I am not a wuss. Hello! Superstar of the Neptune Navigators soccer team sitting right here!" I cross my arms defensively as he pricks his finger and puts his blood on the accompanying card. He hands it back and I wave it to dry.

"Why didn't you stay with that? The soccer?" He asks and I ponder it myself. "You were quite the stellar little athlete if I do say so myself."

"Honestly, I'm not sure." I shake my head in nostalgic confusion. _Honestly_, I am sure. Lilly had wanted to take ballet, said the soccer left her too mussed up and grass stained. Being the little sheep I was, I followed her lead into ballet, dance, and pep squad. Not that I didn't enjoy those activities, 'cause I did, but it wasn't ever really the same rush I'd gotten when I made a goal.

"Well, what's done is done, I suppose." He muses. "There's a game on TV right now just calling my name, so if you'll excuse me…" He adds with a grin and walks to the living room.

Once he's out of sight, I prick my own finger with a wince and dot the blood onto another card. Checking the perimeter once again, I package the two samples up and take them back to my room, camouflaged in a Wal-Mart bag.

Soon, I'll know for sure.

* * *

An annoying ring tone interrupts my nearly seamless sleep. I look at my wall clock and then answer the phone. **_8:06 AM._**

"Well aren't you the early riser?" On the weekend, no less.

"Hey, I like a nice jumpstart to my day." Logan replies defensively.

I yawn. "So what's up?"

"Did I wake you up?" _Not answering the question, Logan._

"Yes. You did. I was actually in the middle of a very _pleasant_ dream, so please, just tell me why you're calling."

"What happened in said dream? Did I make a cameo?"

Yes, you actually did. But I'm not going to inflate your ego with that detail.

"Nope. None. Just tell me why you're calling?"

"Well, uh, I was thinking about hitting up the beach, maybe surfing a little. You in?"

"I don't surf." I reply flatly.

"That may be true. But I have it on good authority that you make quite a good beach bunny."

"This source might be?"

"_Me_. So get up and meet me, you lazybones."

"Fine." I huff.

"Now was that so hard?" He laughs. "Dog beach. 8:30. Bust it."

"Okay." I hang up and peer at myself in the mirror. This simply will not do. I pull my hair back and put on my black Adidas wind pants and a comfortable pink fleece pullover.

After I brush my teeth and finish getting ready, I make my way out the door…

…Only to find Lilly walking up my front path.

"Look, Lilly, I have to be somewhere. Can't this wait till later?" I say impatiently, pointedly looking at my car.

"No, it really can't, Veronica." I'm a bit unnerved by the seriousness in her eyes.

"Then, what is it?" I cross my arms and look her dead in the eye.

"The thing is…" She draws in a deep breath.

"Is what, Lilly?"

She looks down at the ground and then reluctantly back to my eyes.

"I'm pregnant."

* * *

Ha. I know. Cliffhanger! reviews might speed up the updating proces...(hint hint) :D


	6. All We Know is Falling

"You're what, Lilly? You're…" Pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant.

"Can we go inside?" She says quietly. This is the first time I've seen her, not to be corny, but 'lily white'. She's so pale and withdrawn and... serious.

"Yeah, sure." I say in shock as I unlock the door.

Quickly, I text Logan. _"There's been a hold up. I'll be there later."_

She sits down and hugs her knees to her chest. She looks just like a child this way.

"How long have you known?"

"I, uh, took a test yesterday and had my doctors appointment today."

"Who's the…?"

"You can say it, Veronica." She gives me dark look. "Who's the father? I get it, 'I'm in trouble deep'." She rolls her eyes. There's no doubt in my mind that she feels like a cliché, I can see it with the disdainful vibes she's putting around herself.

"Is it Weevil's?" I pause as I think about it.

"No. The timeframe's all off. It's between Logan and…"She takes another quick intake of breath "and…"

"Aaron." I finally say, feeling the shiver go up my back.

"Yeah." She says as she looks down.

"Have you, uh, thought about your options?"

She looks me dead in the eye, so straight, it's nearly creepy. "I only have one, Veronica. You should know that." Her voice shakes.

"Surely, you can't be-?" I try to protest but ultimately, resistance is futile. Any protest I make, any advice, it'll go unheeded. Lilly does what _Lilly_ wants to do. She always has.

"I have to." Her voice drops and I can hear the emotion rising in her voice. "I can't be the butt of everyone's jokes."

"Lilly, you-"

"I can't be Aaron Echolls' little slut and the mother of his, or his son's (!), illegitimate child." She shakes her head vehemently. She wipes away a renegade tear.

She's right. Hate to say it, but she is _right_. It wouldn't just hurt her, but the baby too. It'd be a circus. The environment would be really rough. And once Celeste found out, she'd make her get an abortion anyway. Can't sully their _pristine_ reputation any further. Lilly's already the black sheep. Not that it's necessarily the best option...

"Have you made an appointment?" I ask reluctantly, wringing my hands.

"I'm going to tomorrow." She nods.

"Okay." I finally sit down, feeling a bit dizzy. "Why'd you come here, Lilly?"

She gives out a snort. "If I told Madison or Shelley or anyone, it'd take a matter of minutes before they'd be chatting up Us Weekly. Okay, maybe not Meg, but she's a little too 'white bread' for this kind of situation." She cocks an eyebrow. "I trust you, simple as that."

"Oh."

"Look, Veronica, you might not think I appreciate you, but you're so wrong. Anyone else would judge me and try to change my opinion and everything. But you didn't, and believe me, that really helps." She gives me a weak smile.

I immediately feel guilty for any ill feelings I'd had toward her recently. Sure she's made mistakes, monumental ones actually, but she's still Lilly. She's still the girl that I was best friends' with for years. I've always known she was like this. To think I could change her was to think the impossible. She can't and _won't_ be my best friend again, but I can still help her. After all, she did come to me.

I put my arm around her and give her a hug. She definitely needs one.

"I missed you so much, Veronica."

* * *

I finally arrive at the beach. I'm shaken, to say the least.

Logan's coming back to the shore as I sit down on a blanket he had apparently put down.

He runs up to me and tosses me over his shoulder.

"Me Tarzan. You Jane!" He grunts out and I can't help but giggle. He's just such a _guy_.

He finally puts me back down, a little worse for wear, and definitely damp.

My smile finally fades and he narrows his eyes down at me. "What's up with you?"

I bite my lip. I can't tell him. He'd definitely freak. "Oh, you know, got the sample from my dad. That was the epitome of not fun." I lie with a scoff.

"You know what the cure is for that?"

"You immersing me in impossibly cold sea water?" I guess halfheartedly.

"No. Ice cream. I'll treat you."

I nod back in thanks. He picks up a brown sweater from on top of the blanket and slips it on, his trunks still sopping.

"So, I was thinking. You. Me. Shelley's end of the year party Friday?"

"But…they hate us." I plainly state, looking at him as if he's insane.

"All the more reason to go." He grins and I have to admit, it's too adorable. "You know, gotta shake things up. Can't have them getting too comfortable."

"Logan…" I think about it in depth as we near the ice cream stand.

Why the boy would want ice cream _outside_ in December, I'll never know.

"The lady doth protest too much." He smirks and then orders our ice creams. Good old-fashioned strawberry for him and Rocky Road for myself. "Just think about it?"

I tap my finger to my head as if I'm in deep concentration. "Thought about it. And it's a no."

"Come on, Veronica. Free booze and you get the total fun of pissing everyone off. Doesn't that idea thrill you at least a little bit?"

"Okay, admittedly, it kind of does. But if you ditch me, I'll probably hate you forever."

"Deal." He puts out his hand and I reluctantly slip my hand into a handshake.

* * *

After nearly a week of guilt and uneasy feelings, I accompany Lilly to the doctor's office for her final appointment. I can't tell if things will get better or worse.

For quite awhile, I'm sitting in the lobby filling out my big book of Sudoku puzzles while she's having her operation. I hear crying and finally the door to the examination room hallway opens, revealing a very unhappy Susan Knight. Bad news. She must've found out something awful. Carrie Bishop is clasping her hand, as if to comfort her.

"God, Rooks isn't going to-!" Carrie had sighed exasperatedly. _Rooks? As in Mr. Rooks?!_

"Shut up, Carrie! No one can know-!" She cries in a hushed voice and her eyes finally land on me, I suddenly pretend I haven't heard their conversation and get back to my puzzle. I'm the unassuming bystander.

"What are you doing here, Veronica Mars?" She glares over at me with her nose turned up, ever the superior bitch. "Gathering blackmail? I'm sure you'd just love to bring us down a peg."

"Not at all." I reply honestly, _what, like I'd purposely reveal Susan's affair with Mr. Rooks?_ I'm certainly not that low or that big of a gossip. That's _their_ job, supplying all the fodder for Neptune's voracious rumor mill. "I'm waiting for a friend."

"Of course you are." Carrie snarks back with a vicious look as she and Susan bitterly traipse out.

_Of course I am? What is that supposed to mean? Is she inferring that I have no friends, or just the kind of friends that get themselves in this situation…or that I, myself, am in such a situation?_

God, I've always hated Carrie and now I know exactly why.

Brushing it off, I return to my puzzles.

* * *

After rush processing and delivery, the answer to Duncan's and my problem is waiting in a little manilla envelope. For a while, I just sit there and stare at it, wondering what could happen with either outcome. It's all so touchy.

Finally I tear off the tape and undo the little nimble brads. I take the paper out with trembling fingers and warily open it up.

I take a big sigh of relief.

Thank God. Celeste is a dirty little liar.

What should I do now? Tell Duncan? Let him know I know our parents' dirty little secret? Rest his conscience?

The second I decide, I rush over to Logan's. He had told me earlier that Duncan would be by later to play a little Grand Theft Auto. I key in the gate number and pull my car in next to the garage.

Letty answers the door with her ever-present smile and tells me the guys are upstairs, and would I like a lemon bar? Despite how absolutely appetizing it sounds, I refuse and get right to business.

Once I enter Logan's room, he bounds over and jokingly says, "Oh, sweetums, I didn't know you were coming. If I had, we could've had Letty pick up some Chunky Monkey."

I see Duncan looks uncomfortable and blush. Great.

"Uh, well, hopefully, I won't be here too long. I, uh, kinda need to talk to Duncan."

Logan nods softly, as if reading my mind. Duncan's eyebrows furrow, and I can tell he wants to be anywhere else but here. "I'll uh, leave you to it." Logan says gently and walks out, politely closing the door.

"What's this about, Veronica?" He asks grimly, as if I'm going to have him rehash our breakup.

"I know why you broke up with me." I say bluntly, no muss, no fuss.

"What? How did you-" His face is wracked with confusion.

"That's not…it's not how I found out that matters. I just wanted to tell you, I got a DNA test done, and we're not related. We never were." I say simply, and suddenly I feel it, the closure of it all. Duncan's not even replied, but I immediately feel more relieved. Nothing he can say will make or break me. And honestly, that's a great feeling.

"Oh." He notes a little too simply.

"Yeah."

"All right. That's, uh, good to know." He notes and suddenly the color in his face comes back, he looks relieved.

"I just figured you should..."

"Um, thanks." He nods with a weak grin. As, I turn to walk away, he pipes up "Are you going to Shelley's tomorrow?"

"Yeah." I pause, opening the door. "Maybe."

* * *

It's Friday…and Lilly's nowhere to be found. While I know she's recuperating in her bedroom, trying to evade the ever-present evil eye of Celeste, claiming to be suffering a strange stomach virus…everyone else assumes she's skipping school to meet some presumably new conquest, maybe at the beach, maybe in the '02 zip. No one really knows…except me. But, of course, I'm not cluing anyone in to this simple _secret_ little fact.

For a second, I flippantly wonder how Weevil's taking all this chatter. He is, after all, her _unofficial_ boyfriend. He's not exactly official because she hasn't introduced him to Jake and Celeste yet, choosing for him to seemingly forever remain her boytoy. Which of course, has to be incredibly embarrassing for Weevil. I keep pondering it all until I finally see him, gruffly lumbering into the quad with his gang, looking pissed as ever...and hurt. _Hurt_. If I had ever a doubt against his commitment to Lilly, it's certainly been cleared now. He looks like he's had a blow to his pride.

I take a bite at my little Wonderbread ham sandwich as a wrapped egg roll is plopped onto the plastic bag. I look up and I see Logan raising an eyebrow comically at me.

"Why thank you." I smile back weakly as I immediately wrap my sandwich back up and take a ginger bite of the egg roll. "What brought this random act of kindness upon me?"

"Well, we haven't had lunch delivery in awhile, and I figured your nerves were maybe a bit scrambled after your heart to heart with Duncan." He dreamily looks up and clasps his hand to his chest.

"It wasn't like that, Logan." I note, frowning.

"So I won't be expecting a wedding invitation just yet? You're not picking out china patterns?" He teases, eating a forkful of lo mein.

"I don't want to get back together with him." I say with an odd finality, and end with a confident nod.

"Oh." Logan nods back in understanding, and has a slight glimmer of I can't tell…maybe _relief?_ Like he'd ever be jealous of Duncan. Really now. This is Logan Echolls, he can get practically any girl he wants, it's no matter if his reputation is bruised or not. And me? Hah.

"Oh?" I tease. "I was expecting at least an 'aw, shucks, and I thought you two were a match made in he-'"

"Hell?" He quips with a satisfied smile.

_Touché_

* * *

During Algebra II, Duncan actually sits in the desk next to mine, taking a very ticked Norris Clayton's seat. We make small talk…like nothing of _any _depth, small talk. Oh, you're on varsity soccer now? That's cool. You take pictures for the paper?

Very shallow stuff. We don't discuss Lilly, or the fact that he thought we were related, or his cold shoulder treatment, nothing of that sort. Nothing controversial.

He helps me balance my equations, and I treat him to a piece of gum from my purse. Fair trade in my books.

"So you're going to Shelley's right?"

"Logan's basically forcing me to-" I shrug with a laugh.

"Go figure." He rolls his eyes with a goodhearted smile.

I give him a quizzical look and he shrugs it off. Okay…

"So I take it you're going?"

"What? Me? Miss the social event of the year? Never." He smiles and makes a big bubble.

After spending a sizable amount of time scrutinizing my closet for possible party garb, I finally decide on a ¾ length sleeve v-neck and a denim miniskirt. Nothing too ostentatious. I am kind of crashing after all, but I don't want it to be too noticeable.

Logan strides into my room and I look at him with surprise.

"How did you-?"

"You think I haven't noticed you keep your spare key in a fake rock? Really, for the house of the local sheriff, you think you'd have a bit better security." He plops down on my bed.

I frown and brush my hair.

"Miss Mars, you ready to party hardy?" He sits back up and pops an eyebrow up for dramatic effect.

"No bacchanalia for me. You know I have a low tolerance, Logan." I roll my eyes and cringe as I remember Shelley's party last year, and how he held back my hair as I retched in the toilet. Meanwhile, Lilly was off doing…whatever. Foreshadowing, perhaps?

"Hey, I'm not saying you have to drink. Just have some fun, you're too hard on yourself."

That is true. "Okay, fine. But, you, my friend…" I say as I go over and sit on his lap playfully "have to promise to me that you're not getting anything more than tipsy. I am not going to take care of your drunk butt."

His hand snakes around my waist and he whispers in my ear teasingly "No matter how cute it is?"

I almost blush, but once I've suppressed the urge, I play along. "Yep. No matter how cute it is." I give him a quick peck on the cheek and jump up to slip on my shoes.

I look into the mirror and to my utter surprise his eyes are staring after me.

* * *

**A/N:** I know I took forever to update, and I'm sorry! Been super-busy lately and haven't hardly had the time to even touch the computer. I'm also experiencing major writer's block on _Colorblind_, so my apologies on that as well. Hope you liked the chapter. For future reference, there'll be no DuVe going on. Next chapter, Shelley's party and a little LoVe. Thanks :D Reviews appreciated!


	7. Wreck of the Day

We can feel the bump of the music as soon as we hit the neighborhood. It's a wonder the police haven't been called. My personal guess is that either the 09er parents are out of town or just plain don't care. I really wouldn't be surprised by either…the parents here, in general, tend to turn a blind eye toward their children's more illegal or unpleasant doings. Also, it's pretty common for parents in this zip code to take vacations on the whim. Of course, this isn't without its exceptions, for example, Meg Manning's parents are notoriously strict and thrifty.

"You ready?" Logan asks with a Cheshire cat grin as he parallel parks his Xterra between Casey Gant's Porsche Boxster and Madison Sinclair's Mercedes Benz.

"…as I'll ever be." I grumble and get out.

He immediately takes my hand, I don't think necessarily as a romantic gesture, but as a protective one. We're both not terribly welcome.

We walk in and I can immediately feel the glares of our peers.

"You want a drink?" Logan asks sheepishly, apparently feeling the same way.

"No. Sober Sally tonight, remember?"

He nods quickly and hands me off to Meg Manning as he goes to pour himself a drink.

"Hey, Veronica." She remarks sweetly, sipping from her plastic cup.

"Hey Meg, what're you drinking?" I point at her cup with a small smile.

She leans over and whispers in my ear, "It's actually Sprite, but shhh, don't tell anyone." She giggles and I can't help but grin back.

"Sneaky." I pause and take a cursory look at the crowd, searching for Logan. "So where's that boyfriend of yours?"

"Oh…Cole's probably blowing off some steam somewhere. My parents gave him hell when we left." She rolls her eyes and I can tell there's certainly more to the story than she's letting on, but I'm not going to pry.

After at least twenty of minutes of small talk, Logan finally wanders back, apparently a little worse for wear. He's not drunk yet, but he's _at least_ a little buzzed.

He hugs me to him and we collapse on the nearest couch. Meg gives me a surprised look and I attempt to shrug back, the same expression resting on my face.

"You have fun, Logan?"

"Oh yeah."

"Ooh, I can tell." I get a whiff of his breath, a strange mix of mint and a tinge of alcohol. It's not nauseating, I have to admit…

"Ugh," He grumbles "It's cold out here."

"It is December, you know." I add matter-of-factly and he simply shakes his head.

He seems to be in deep thought for a few moments then and his eyes light up. "If memory serves, the Pomeroy's have a pretty bitching hot tub. You up for it, Ronnie?" He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively at me and I simply smirk back.

"No bathing suit, smarty pants."

"We'll just strip down like that time at my house, not a big deal. You're not wearing any naughty, naughty underwear, now are you?" He whispers in my ear teasingly and my cheeks flame bright red.

Me? Wear actual lingerie? That's more Lilly's forte. I'm more into the comfy, boy shorts family.

I look over at the hot tub, regarding it as a pit of damnation. Carmen Ruiz, among others, is topless. Every girl in there is topless. Me in my Mudd underwear? That's comparatively modest.

"Fine." I groan as he grins a devilish smile and takes me by the hand over to the hot tub. Upon our arrival, a look of distaste crosses everyone's faces as they grab their respective garments and vacate the area. As if I didn't feel like enough of a leper...

Logan gets right down to business, stripping off his clothes to bare an embarrassing pair of Batman logo boxers. Checking the perimeter, I slowly take off my clothes and slip in the steaming water.

"Now, now…that wasn't so awful, was it?" He laughs and wraps his arm possessively around my waist, clinging us together in a hot mess. Normally, I'd probably reprimand him…but tonight, it felt nice. Yes, nice. Comforting. Like a big comfy blanket…and all I could see was him. My best friend… and probably the only guy I've liked as much as Duncan, and probably even more.

…and he's leaning in, closer and closer. I meet him halfway and he finally grips me in a sweltering kiss, full of passion…and I can tell it's not just the alcohol in his system…it's all him. All Logan.

I don't care if anyone…if _everyone's_ watching. After a few minutes of heavy making out, we break apart, breathless.

"What're we doing?" I breathe out, completely blown away.

"I…don't know!" He exclaims with a bright grin. We cuddle in closer and simply sit and talk for awhile, having had all the mental and physical exhaustion we could possibly take. During our conversation, I spot Lilly walking aimlessly through the crowd and past the hot tub only to collapse clumsily onto a lawn chair, passed out.

This is an extremely bad sign because Lilly _never_ passes out. She's been drinking ever since she broke into her parent's liquor cabinet in the fifth grade. She has a higher tolerance for alcohol than even Logan. We always used to joke about how out of the four of us, Duncan was the lightweight and Lilly could probably drink her weight in alcohol and be absolutely fine…and the two were siblings. How two people can be so related and so absolutely different perplexes me…

"Logan, we need to help her." I finally say.

Logan's eyes follow my finger straight to the lawn chair and he immediately pops up and gets out of the hot tub, shaking the water off and quickly slipping on his clothes. I do the same, trailing behind him.

He simply picks her up carefully and carries her in a fireman's carry. We go inside the house and make our way through the drunken masses to find an empty bedroom. No luck, however, upon finding a last room with people just making out and not engaged in the aptly named "horizontal tango", Logan simply tells them to beat it as he gently lays her down. She looks so helpless this way.

"What do you think happened?" I ask, fear evident in my voice.

"She has to have been drugged, Veronica." Logan paces, wiping his forehead with his hand. He's sobered up quickly.

"Go find Duncan, he needs to get her home." I instruct, my motherly instincts setting in "I'll watch her."

He nods quietly and quickly leaves.

I sit for awhile, making sure she's breathing at a regular rate. How stupid of her to come, so soon after her surgery. No telling what could've happened.

"Oh, Lilly, you really shouldn't be drinking…" I murmur quietly and gently brush my fingers through her hair.

Logan coughs from behind me and I look over at him and Duncan.

"I'll get her home." Duncan says quietly, looking concerned. "Don't worry about it."

"We should probably go." Logan says to me and I nod in agreement. Once out the door, he squeezes my hand and I squeeze back.

"You okay to drive?" I whisper.

"Yeah, I'll uh, be fine." Normally, that kind of answer wouldn't suffice, but considering how focused and serious he's looking right now, I'd have to say he's sobered up considerably.

We make our way to his house, quiet the entire way. My dad reluctantly agreed that I could spend the night, seeing Logan as more of a confidante rather than a horny teenage boy bound on deflowering his only daughter. He's seen Logan's kindness, how he treats me, and he respects that…so much so that he's overlooked his typical overprotective father talk.

We idle in the driveway. I can tell by Logan's brooding body language that we're not going inside for quite awhile.

"Why shouldn't Lilly be drinking?" He asks quietly and my heart stops.

"What?" I ask as if I don't know what he was talking about.

"You said that she shouldn't be drinking…I heard you." He insists "Why?"

I simply look down and my clenched fingers and I can feel my cheeks flame. After a few moments of silence, Logan utters a simple "Oh".

"Lilly's pregnant." He says hollowly.

"She was." I reply, not even looking up. I can't face his eyes.

"She was? Did she miscar-?" He trails off "She got an abortion. How could you not tell me this, Veronica?"

"She told me not to."

"Don't you think I deserved a right to know? God…"

"She was as crazed as you are right now. Just as freaked out. She told me because she could _trust_ me. Trust me not to tell you, not to tell anyone…trust me to help her."

"But-"

"Logan, think about the situation. _Really_ think about it. You or your dad. Those odds..." I feel an odd, disgusted chill go up my spine.

He flinches and focuses his eyes on his steering wheel, fingers clenched around the sides. "How could you not tell me, Veronica? You're my best friend…more than that…and you couldn't…?"

"You think it was easy for me? It was hard, and I knew it'd be even harder if I did tell you. I wanted to, I did. I just couldn't. Can't you see that?" I finally look him in the eyes. I blink through my own tears to see his pained expression. Gently, I place my hand on his own, guiding it to the middle, intertwining our fingers. He bites his lip and finally nods, as if accepting an apology, saying to me that it's all right, that _we'll_ be all right.

Ahh there's some drama for y'all! More actual LoVe in the next chapter! REVIEW! :D


	8. Holiday Cheer?

It's Friday. A week after Shelley's infamous party. Plenty of time to edit and publish pictures in Scoop! magazine.

Imagine my surprise, walking through the grocery store checkout line, only to find my gorgeous mug staring back at me. Logan _Echolls' New Conquest. Ho Ho Hoe? _

I skim over the cover in shock. My yearbook picture and a shot of me and Logan in Shelley's hot tub. I quickly grab all the copies in the rack and sheepishly shove them in my cart.

I take self-checkout to avoid the judgmental stares of the ladies at checkout. Once I'm back to my car, I immediately make my way over to Logan's. I key in the pass code and park my car. I ring the doorbell and to my surprise, Logan opens the door.

"And a good afternoon to you, Sugarpuss." He says with a smirk, ushering me in. He's holding an icepack to his cheek, possible evidence that he's already received the memo.

"Who did-?" I gently trace my finger around the bruise.

"Duncan." He says simply as he sits down on the couch.

"But…why?" I sigh as I unfurl the copy of Scoop! clasped in my hand.

"You…apparently. Me exposing you the press...God knows…but the dude was seriously pissed."

"He has no right to-!" I trail off.

"Apparently he's yearning for the Wondercouple days."

"Too bad." I reply harshly and then mellow out "they're not coming back."

Logan suddenly says quietly "Not even if he fulfilled every romantic comedy requirement? Stood outside your house with a boom box? Sang a song to you in the bleachers?" He smirks.

"Nope." I reply and then point to the thin line of my lips. "Stoic."

"Hm." He nods and takes the tabloid from my hands, examining it.

"Plus…I think I like someone else."

"And who might this be?" He adds with a weak smile, still looking at the article.

"Oh you know, tall, handsome, currently nursing a bruise the size of New Jersey…"

He takes my hand, looks me in the eye, and says with complete certainty "The feeling's mutual."

"You think I'm _tall_?" I scoff jokingly.

"No, I think you're short, sassy, and sexy beyond all reason."

"Sexy? Really?" I coo and snuggle up next to him.

He gives a succinct nod. "Look, I don't know if you're ready to springboard into anything…I don't even know if _I_ am…" He sighs and then picks back up "And I know this is like, completely complicated, and I definitely understand if-"

I place my finger to his lips with a giggle. "No disclaimers, okay? I think I know what I'm getting into." I whisper.

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"You're not." I assure him. "Don't even worry about that. We've had enough to deal with, we can give ourselves a break for a minute…it's okay."

"I don't want to compromise our friendship if you-"

"Okay seriously, I'm the over-analyzer here. Just…stop." I sigh. "No more what-if's."

"Okay." He finally says, visibly relieved.

"We don't have to go full throttle just yet, no pressure. We can keep it quiet."

"Meet in the janitor's closet? Pass love letters?" He smirks.

"If you want."

* * *

__

"Rockin' around the Christmas Tree at the Christmas party hop…"

As I put the finishing ornament on our Christmas tree, and admire my father's Padres decorations, I spy a pair of Coach tennis shoe clad feet. I look up and see Lilly's bright shining face peering back. She's sucking on her signature lollipop.

"These house-calls are getting to be a regular occurrence." I smirk and watch the glimmer coming off my mom's old blue star ornaments.

"Psh." She sits down. My dad peeks in the room with an unsure nod…I'm pretty sure he doesn't approve, but it's really kind of a moot point now.

"So…what's up?" I sit down beside her, pleased by my handiwork.

"Thank you." She whispers seriously, looking me straight in the eye.

I bite my lip and nod quietly. "I couldn't let anything, you know, happen to you…"

"Just thank you. Really. Duncan told me how-" She bites her own lip and sighs…Lilly Kane doesn't do tense. "Okay. So onto something a bit more cheery now. Guess who's covering the annual Kane Christmas luncheon?"

"Who?"

"Y-O-U. Fabulous journal-ista and photographer Veronica Mars! Celeste is livid, of course…"

"You shouldn't have!"

"Isn't it-?"

"No, really…" I insist. "Lilly, you shouldn't have. Veronica Mars: the help. The 09ers and company will have a field day!" I offer up a weak smile.

"Oh, let them. There is no wrath like a Lilly Kane scorned."

There's something about her confidence that's so assuring, like nothing could go wrong. No wonder I followed her for so long. Now there are no shadows, no lime lights. We're equal in our supreme fabulousness, or so she likes to say now.

She gives me her most focused look and I can't help but laugh.

* * *

It's early Christmas morning. Our living room is practically covered with paper and ribbons and styrofoam peanuts. I got a nice laptop and a few little kitschy things for my bedroom. I gave my father a Padres player guide and a gag gift of Doggie and Me yoga sessions at the community center. He seemed rather appreciative, actually.

In the middle of our happy, blissful morning, the doorbell rings. I scramble to the door and answer it.

"I have some flowers for a Miss Veronica Mars."

"This is she." I answer politely as the flower delivery guy presents them. He's actually not that much older than me and may I say, rather attractive. In his hands is a beautifully decorated Poinsettia pot. With a smile, I check the tag.

__

Merry Christmas, Veronica! I love you, always will. Never forget that.

-Mom

My jaw drops, I'd expected them from Logan maybe, but never my mom.

"Do you have contact information for this person? A return address?" I ask, almost begging.

He fumbles for a receipt and then decisively shakes his head. "They paid in cash. I'm sorry."

"Thank you anyway." I smile and take the pot from him.

"No problem. Merry Christmas." He says politely as he walks back off to his delivery van. Manny's Flower Hut glares from the side and I make a mental note to check it out. Investigative instinct must be somewhat of a hereditary trait…

I go back inside, completely stunned. Dad looks up with a concerned expression. "What's wrong, honey?"

I absentmindedly hand him the pot and before he checks the tag, he attempts a joke. "What? Logan didn't send you a pine tree?"

Finally he reads it, and his face goes pale, mirroring my own.

"She's nearby. She got it at Manny's Flower Hut. She's been in town all this time and we-"

"Veronica…" My dad trails off and sits down on the couch, patting the spot next to him. I sit down too and try to understand. "that's not necessarily true. She might be in town to do something, she might not have been here the entire time…"

"How…how could you not have looked for her, Dad? You're the Sherriff for God's sake, you could probably find her in a minute."

"Have you ever considered that maybe she didn't want to be found?"

My cheeks are flaming. I'm upset and bound to get worse by the second.

"Dad-"

"She left us, Veronica! Do you not see that? She didn't want to be here anymore…" His voice explodes with angry emotion and my heart pangs as I watch his face turn beet red in frustration.

Then, I calmly say in a quiet voice "She shouldn't have sent it."

"No. She shouldn't have." He notes in agreement. I take a deep breath and he hastens me carefully "Don't go looking for her, honey. When and if she wants to come back, she will." He sighs and gets up painfully, only to go to his room and shut the door, presumably to dwell in his…_our_ heartache.

* * *

Christmas in the 09er zip is never your traditional holiday.

While the average kid's Christmas stocking might be chock-full with puzzles and candy, the 09er's might find a signature bright blue box or a new credit card, or hey, fancy this, a luxury car key. Or so I've heard today from the incessant chatter of Madison Sinclair and Shelley Pomeroy. Madison found a Louis Vuitton monogram clutch and a key to a new BMW, while Shelley was sadly disappointed with a new Platinum Mastercard and a Tiffany diamond bracelet. Poor girl!

I mean, really, how frivolous can you possibly be? Decked out from head to toe in designer seasonal clothes, they enjoy delicate pastries and a bit of vintage wine. Oh, and not to mention, a ham roasted by a gourmet chef.

I snap the occasional picture of Christmas cheer and then take a break to munch on a chic cookie.

Celeste sidles up to me, displeasure evident in her expression.

"This is not a craft services table, Veronica. Even though our _situation _has been cleared, so to say, it doesn't mean you can get comfortable. I suggest you do your job." She looks snidely at me, only to flutter off to socialize with Neptune's elite.

I look at the door and see Lynn Echolls come in bright and smiling, ever the picture of dignified elegance. Logan follows in tow. He immediately spots me and offers up a wide grin. Lynn takes a seat with the other society women, who immediately turn their attention away from Celeste, who glares unhappily and crosses her arms. For awhile, Celeste had been shunning Lynn because of the Lilly/Aaron debacle, but apparently a fellow Junior Leaguer (in a higher position, might I add) found it unreasonable and basically threatened Celeste's membership. Long story short: Celeste and Lynn are now, again, faux-friends in the least.

Logan comes up to me as I snap a picture of Lilly and Duncan, looking oh so happy (or more accurately, not in the least) in their inherent Christmas cheer.

"When's your break?" He asks softly, whispering in my ear.

"Mm, about five minutes?" I reply.

"How about you meet me in the coat closet?"

I blush immediately. "That could be arranged."

"We have to be sneaky though, doubt the old fogies could handle the scandal." I can practically feel his smirk. His hand lingers on my lower back for a second, then he gives me a salute and a knowing smile, only to return to his mother's table. He's, no doubt, about to regale the Junior League with one of his more PG rated tales.

As Lilly giddily bounces over, Madison's eyes can't help but suspiciously watch Logan's retreating figure.

I raise my eyebrow at her and she finally stares back at me, as if putting up a challenge.

__

Bring it, bitch.

"You two are like so cute, Veronica!" Lilly gushes.

I stare at her blankly.

"What, you think I didn't notice? Okay I'm not book-smart, fine, but I am an exceedingly good observationalist. If that's a word? Anyway… I definitely approve." She immediately links her arms with mine "Let's go gossip, that sound fabulous enough?"

Logan's placing light butterfly kisses all over my neck and I can't help but feel ecstatic. "Imagine what a scandal this would be…" I murmur into his ear.

"Right, like nobody even knows we're together? Hah!" He smirks and smiles back down at me, holding me tight.

"But in the Kane coat closet? All we need is a paparazzo…" I pause and then pick up my camera. "Oh, wait, that's me."

"Here's my idea. Anonymously turn some photos in…spruce up the Le Baron. It's a win-win."

"I think my car is gorgeous, thank you. But as for your Big Bird…"

"Don't hate what you don't understand." Logan notes mock-defensively.

"Don't understand that it's a jackass-mobile?" I smirk back and he momentarily looks stumped.

"Don't understand its inner beauty." He attempts to clarify.

"Hm. Whatever." I finally concede with a slight huff, realizing that that's a battle that I'm not really willing to fight.

Feeling victorious (I'm guessing), Logan grips me in a kiss.

"Hm. The Kane's _could_ use a bit more publicity." I note sarcastically, knowing that's really not the case.

"I agree whole-heartedly." Logan snaps a picture.

A/N: Sorry for the delay. I've been incredibly busy with school stuff. Like no lie! Hopefully the pace'll speed up anytime now, update wise. Reviews?


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